


How Can A Heart Like Yours

by TheBiQueenOfLineBreaks (TheUnwritten1219)



Series: The Reverends Son [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: ...my bad?, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Dean Winchester, Church boy Cas, Dean Winchester Calls Castiel "Angel", Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester is Sam Winchester's Parent, Declarations Of Love, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, Heavy Petting, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, John Winchester Abuses Dean Winchester, John Winchester Being an Asshole, M/M, Making Out, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Songfic, Sweet Dean Winchester, Teen Sam Winchester, mentions of abuse, prepare yourself, way more angst that anticipated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnwritten1219/pseuds/TheBiQueenOfLineBreaks
Summary: The universe just couldn't let Dean be happy. If anything remotely good happens to him, the world just had to balance it out with his own personal brand of a cluster-fuck.Of course that is before Cas sneaks in through his window and makes it all better.Or,The night Dean and Cas say I love you Dean comes home to a drunk and angry John. Cue supportive boyfriend Castiel and love-sick Dean.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: The Reverends Son [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106576
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	How Can A Heart Like Yours

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of abuse (nothing graphic, though)
> 
> Hello my loves!!  
> Shoutout to : ClassicChevy67 who by no means asked for a part two but very slightly implied that they would like to see more of these idiots and I just ran with it!  
> I already started a third that I may write if anyone finds that they may want some more fluff from the Reverends son and Town bad boy.

His eyes have no right to look at Dean that way. 

To captivate him so painstakingly, it defies all understanding. Cas confines emerald green in a palace of tenderness and glimmering ocean kindness, drowning him endlessly, yet somehow he’s never been able to breath so easily. 

He doesn’t even have to say anything. He just looks at him. Gazes _into_ him as if there's something boundlessly intricate living within, as if all it will take is one focused, concentrated look and Dean's soul will be revealed in all its colorful brilliance to Cas who has dedicated all of himself to spend as much of his time searching for it. 

It’s the most intense sensation Dean’s ever had. 

Sometimes the intensity of his gaze leaves him squirming under deep blue eyes, afraid of what they’ll find. 

And almost like Cas has no other choice but to be so in sync with Dean and his emotions he will reach over and rest a reassuring hand over his cheek, running his thumb across the scratchy surface he finds, smiling that small lopsided smile of his before softly pressing his lips to Dean’s eagerly waiting mouth. 

Chaste and not even close to enough. 

All too soon, Cas will draw away and step from Dean's space, vanishing some place or other, taking his unfairly spellbinding eyes with him. 

It’s not just in person, either. 

Cas doesn’t need to even be in the same room to captivate Deans thoughts unrepentantly. 

He’ll close his eyes before bed and be met by gummy smiles and intense blue, eager and aching for non-ironic rosaries and gentle touches. 

Besides his brother, Dean can’t remember the last time someone touched him the way Cas does.

Though, at times, it can be charged with promise and heat and every gentle caress can be matched by a desperate frenzie to get as close to one another as their bodies can comfortably allow, that didn’t mean it was always like that.

Cas touches him as if he was precious, like he was something to be treasured. Every hand hold firm and confident, telling Dean just how much he’s cared for, each reassuring kiss after a vigorous eye fucking telling a story of their own.

Besides the affection his snot nosed baby brother offered when they were young, as Dean assumed the position of parent, the only additional form of contact he is familiar with, is that of anger and disappointment. 

Harsh, callused hands reminding him of his constant failures. Strong large grips bruising and sharp, reprimanding him for his negligence, warranted exploits, as far as he has ever been able to see. 

Initially, it had taken the eldest Winchester a while to not only admit to himself he craved this intimacy Cas so easily offered, but that maybe he deserved it. Maybe Cas genuinely wanted him to the same degree that Dean _needed_ Cas.

Maybe he could make himself good enough for the Reverend's son. Make himself soft and tender and everything he’s been told he couldn’t be, because that is exactly what Castiel deserves, dammit. 

He deserves kindness and patience and a man willing to give everything he has to make him happy. Dean would be god-damed if someone else- anyone else- claimed to love him even a fraction to the degree that he loves Cas. 

He has spent too much of his time fighting off the little voice in the back of his mind that likes to chant just how unworthy of Cas’ devotion or love he is. A voice that sounded a disturbingly large amount like his father.

He likes to think for the most part he’s learned to set that voice aside, to let Cas offer him breath with his stifling gaze, unwavering; garenteering something that Dean is afraid one day could be taken from him, yet that look, each prolonged look into his eyes sets that fear at ease… Usually anyway. 

But then there were nights like tonight. 

When the words and the looks and the gentle touches were drowned out by the flood of aggression Dean faced walking through his front door. 

A litany of swears and _‘yes sir’s’_ followed by barked orders demanding; _‘Sammy, go to your room!’_

Twenty minutes later Dean sits on the floor of his bedroom, cradling his head in both hands, hoping the throbbing surrounding the flesh of his chin doesn't take too long to heal.

 _Damn_ , he thinks, he may not be able to see Cas for a few days at least.

Maybe if he plays his cards right, he can convince him that he and Sam had just been roughhousing a bit too aggressively. 

No, that wouldn't work. He knows Sam too well to believe he wouldn't hold his punches.

He looks skywards and wants to scream. They literally just spent their first night out together since Cas was banned from seeing him. 

Did it result in a minor arrest? Sure, but it was wonderful. It was the first night they had said I love you and Dean couldn’t remember a moment he was happier in.

Why was it that the universe refused to let Dean have a single monumentally happy moment without something awful following suite. 

What will Cas think if he avoided him for a few days?

Everything is always so contradictory in regards to Cas. 

Dean wants him but he shouldn’t. Cas shouldn’t love him but he does (for whatever reason Dean will never understand). No one wants them together yet they can never remain apart. 

It was dizzying and grounding and even though the last thing he wanted was for Cas to see him like this. To see the truth shouting in dark blue, as John's drunken snores shuttered the house, at the same time, Dean wanted nothing more than to have Cas in his arms. Smiling his gummy smile, saying I love you like he just had been...Making him feel safe.

Many onlookers would think that Dean acts as the protector. The muscle. The brave one. 

As far as he was concerned, each of them would be wrong. 

After they came out, Dean may have been the one to speak with his fists and shut down any further bullying both he and Cas would have faced, had it not been for Dean admittedly intimidating bravado. But it was Cas who was the exceptionally superior force of security.

Cas _made_ Dean brave. Simple as that. 

And right now, Dean felt like all his strength had been sucked from his chest with a vacuum. 

He’s pulling at the strands of his hair, frustrated. Angry.

Angry at the world because he doesn’t want to lie to Cas! Doesn’t want to hide his bruises or the truth… but he should. Cas is far too kind and innocent to be aware of anything so ugly and cruel. 

And Dean certainly won't be the one to bring all this bullshit to his doorstep.

That being said, he still wishes Cas was there. 

_“Ugh. Jeez!”,_ Someone groans.

Ever heard the phrase; Careful what you wish for?

“Cas?”

“Hey!” Cas pants, elbows hooked over Deans windowpane.

His brows are pinched in concentration but with the air of rebellion Dean had left him with only a few hours ago, there’s also a cheeky grin, firmly placed on his lips. A smile that sends a jolt of relief through Deans tense body.

That is, before the panic set in. 

Suddenly, Dean is all too aware of where they are. 

It’s not like Cas hasn’t been to Deen's house before. It was sort of impossible considering they had known each other most of their lives and had been dating since they were 17, but thanks to Dean’s careful planning, he’s never been there at the same time as John. John was always off on some odd job or other, leaving his sons to their own devices (and they preferred it that way), far far away from Cas ( _Exactly_ the way Dean preferred it.)

Heart racing, the words tumble past Deans lips, riddled with anxiety, 

“Cas, what are you doin’ here!?”

“Evidently, I’m struggling to hoist myself through your window. A little help here?”

“Shit, yeah. Here.” 

Quickly snapping out of it, Dean rushes forward, helping Cas wiggle himself through his window. A few moments later, Cas is landing onto his butt, chuckling softly at the situation.

“What a night the two of us are having, huh?” He comments, standing and brushing himself off. 

“What are you doing here, Cas?” 

As soon as Dean saw the smaller man was safe and inside the four walls of his bedroom, he turned his back immediately. Frantically trying to figure a game plan as to how he can work this all out in his favor.

“Well don’t sound so excited to see me.” He jests weakly, his voice not matching the jovial tone it should, but of someone wary and unsure. 

Dean hates making Cas feel like he has to feel unsure around him. 

When Dean doesn’t respond with any reassuring words to put his unease at bay, Cas chooses to answer his original question instead, 

“Your brother invited me. He was quite specific about me having to be quiet...Are you alright?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m great.”

Dean’s back is still turned. He can feel Cas moving about without having to look at him. Every part of him wants to look at Cas, to meet baby blue and feel that tenderness that tells him the lie of importance. 

In one move, quicker than Dean had time to consider, Cas’ hand is pulling on his shoulder, turning him around to meet Cas’ delayed gaze, 

“What…” Dean's pulse quickens as Cas takes in what is surely a growing bruise, 

“What happened to your face, Dean?!”

Fuck! Dean really wishes he wouldn’t shout. He falls into Cas disturbed eyes while also listening carefully for the deep rumble of obnoxious snores.Mentally, he sighs in relief when he finally makes out the subtle sound of a drunken slumber.

“Nothing! Nothing happened, bud,” He answers, with a smile that looks so real, Cas flinches beneath it, “Some bullshit I took care of.”

“What bullshit? Wha-”

“Cas, don’t worry about it.”

“Don’t you tell me not to worry about anything, Dean! Sam texted me out of the blue at one o’clock in the morning and when Jody let us go you did _not_ have _that_! So explain to me what exactly happened in the two hours since then”

Dean doesn’t waver from his smile, voice too plase and disregarding. 

“Cas, it’s nothing, seriously!”

The brunette gives Dean a look he’s unfamiliar with, one he’s scared to put a name to. Dean watches as Cas reaches up to rub anxiously at the rosary hanging securely around his neck. A nervous tick, Dean is furious with himself for flaring up. 

“You’re lying to me.”

“Cas, why wo-”

“Since when do you lie to me?”, Cas demands. His trembling lips obstructing any sense of confidence his words may have possessed. 

Dean feels his heart constrict in his chest, but his mask remains unyielding.

“Cas,”, he begins, unsure of what web of lies he’s going to pull out of his ass when another voice beats him to the punch. 

“Dad hit him.”

In one swift turn, both men sharply turn to meet the strong... _scared_ eyes of Sam Winchester.

“Sam!” 

“I’m sorry, Dean. But you _never_ let me comfort you after.”

Dean addresses Sam; the way the kid isn’t even looking at him, deep hazel eyes fixed onto Dean's chin and the tell-tell signs of a forming split lip. 

Again, Dean moves to open his mouth, some reassurance on the tip of his tongue, but Sam is shutting his eyes tightly, muttering just loud enough for Dean and Cas hear him say, 

“I’m just so tired of this shit.”

Dean wants to be angry, fuck he _is_ angry!

He’s angry this is what he has to live through, he hates that the courts wouldn’t let Dean take Sam away once he became of age. He hates that he has to stay here, in this God forsaken house to ensure John doesn’t take his target practice out on Sam after he leaves. He hates that it will still be an entire year before Sam goes off to college and they can be safe, away from all of this. And most of all he hates that not only Sam has to know about this midnight shame he has hidden for so long, but now so will the man he loves. 

Dean wants to yell and cry and fucking break something! Because Cas was _never_ supposed to know. At least not while it was still happening.

He can’t even blame Sam, can he? He’s still just a kid. 

While he may have become immune or used to an occasional brawl with his father, that didn’t mean Sam had grown accustomed to seeing them.

Releasing a tired sigh, Dean finally looks up to his boyfriend. Biting his sore lip as he sees the hand draped over his mouth and the wideness of his eyes trained on Deans wooden floors. 

“Go to bed, Sammy.” He murmurs, never taking his eyes off of Cas. Something akin to fear squeezing at his chest.

“Baby...”

Cas won’t look at him.

Dean doesn’t know if he can breathe.

“Are you okay?” Cas asks after a few minutes, still not meeting his gaze.

“Yes. yes, Cas. I’m fine. This is nothing. I _promise_.”

“ ‘You never let me comfort you after.’ ”

“What?”

“Sam said you never let him comfort you afterwards. How often does this happen, Dean?”

“Not often.” He stresses. 

He refrains from adding _Anymore._ Cas doesn't need to hear that. 

“It’s not everyday, Cas.”

“Any amount of time is unacceptable, Dean!” Cas implored incredulously, facing up at him through thick wet lashes for all of a second before they’re once again down in outrage. He has his arms wrapped around himself, idly and Dean feels himself losing his mind over the fact that only a few hours ago they were _so_ happy.

“Baby,” Dean tries again to get close to him. Moves to pull him into his arms, to assure himself that the words still fresh in his mind, in all of their slurred greatness aren’t true. 

Cas doesn’t take the bait. 

Yet he does, finally, meet Dean's frightened green. Blue filled to the brim with tears, lips quivering and almost- like always- as if he could read Dean's mind understanding dawns across his face. 

He shuts his eyes tightly, the first of his tears dripping down his cheeks.

“Was this about me?”, he whispers jaggedly. 

“Cas-”

“It was, wasn't it? He hit you be-” His eyes fall as the sob crawls up his throat and his hand lifts again to cover his mouth. Taking a deep breath, Cas wipes at his tears aggressively, returning his gaze to Dean, breathing life back into him.

“He hit you _because_ of me.”

Dean shakes his head taking another, brave step towards his boyfriend “Angel, it doesn’t matter. It never matters why!”

It’s like a dam breaks. Cas looks at him and it’s different. Too different and it scares Dean. The kind of fear that rattles your bones. He watches as Cas takes him in as a different person. Perceives him as a liar and a victim, all things he never wanted him to think. 

John's unfair cruelty bleeds past all his defenses and for a moment he believes them…

His mask must fall, the truth loud and undeniable across his features because just as Dean begins to feel himself crack and think of what emptiness will embrace him in Cas absence, he feels thin pale arms wrap around his waist. 

A gust of air he must have been holding whooshes past his lips and his chest heaves against Cas’. Relief and despair warring, so damn upset Cas is worrying over him and beyond relieved that he can speak to the one person he’s always wanted to reveal himself to so intimately. 

Cas buries his face into Dean's neck, waiting patiently for Dean to return his hug, letting himself fall deeper into Dean's touch after his arms lift to bring the smaller man's body closer, ducking down to nuzzle into his hair. 

“I’m so sorry.” Cas tearfully urges. 

Regaining his ability to speak, Dean makes sure his voice is steady before replying, “Don’t be. Baby, don’t cry. I’m _fine_.”

“He’s your _father_ , Dean.”

As if a lightbulb went off, Cas steps back, paying no mind to Deans deep frown at the action,

“Is this why… does this mean…,” He pauses searching for the right words.

“I wouldn’t blame you for wanting to end this. End us.”

“What _?_ Cas, what are you- No. _No”_

In an instant, Dean has one hand cradling Cas cheek and the other pulling him in by his waist. He rests his forehead against Cas’, willing away that awful feeling low in his belly, telling him Cas is leaving him. 

He can’t leave if Dean has him in his arms. 

“But it makes sense!” Cas cries, both of his hands flat against Dean's chest, fingers trembling atop Deans shirt, feeling for his heartbeat. 

“You are anything but making sense right now.”

“Dean, you can’t possibly still lo- want me after this.”

It was subtle but Dean caught it. He heard the uncertainty and felt the power of that moment of hesitation. It sears something more painful through his chest than any meeting with John Winchester's fists ever could.

Shifting where they stood, Dean maneuvers Cas so they are both sitting on his bed. He can feel Cas’ pulse jackhammering beside where his hand stood on the smaller man’s cheek. The protective pull of his heart determined to put his unease to rest.

Their new position allows enough space between them to meet each other's gaze but still offer as much contact as possible. 

Dean watches the apprehension seep into Cas pores, his fingers no longer flat against his chest but wrung tightly at the material of Dean's jeans. As if trying to anchor, or keep Dean from leaving. 

Rubbing small gentle circles across the apples of his flushed cheeks, Dean can’t stop himself from drawing Castiel in and pressing his sore lips against the brunettes. 

Assuring him with this feather light touch, that he most definitely isn’t going anywhere. 

Like a switch, Cas whimpers into his mouth before lunging forward and pressing his lips firmly into Deans. 

Cas releases his death grip from denim in favor of carding his fingers through sandy blonde hair, getting as close to the eldest Winchester as their position would allow. He licks the seam of Dean's bottom lip, _needing_ to get a better taste of him. Chasing after the love bubble they had been in all those hours ago, saturated in kisses and promises of a life together. 

Dean groans half in pain and pleasure, smiling as Cas jerks back in horror a sorry seconds from falling past his lips, but Dean simply shakes his head before he can, drawing him forward, finding his mouth once again. 

Dean leads the pace this time, pressing a chaste peck to pillow soft rose petals before giving another, this time a little longer, relishing at the shiver that racks through Cas’ body after he finally lets his tongue find his. 

It’s dizzying how effortlessly Cas melts into his touch. Offering himself to Dean to do with him what he pleases. Absolutely exhilarating. And one of the main reasons why once they start, it’s absurdly difficult to stop.

He moves his head to one side, keeping the pace slower than Cas is likely to want right now, giving Cas’ tongue one punctuated suck, swallowing the sounds that follow it.

He has to think very hard to remember this isn’t why he kissed him. There’s a more pressing issue at hand. 

Dean pulls away, satisfied by Cas’ dazed expression. He makes sure his voice is strong and steady because he needs Cas to understand exactly what he’s gonna say. 

“Please don’t ever doubt my love for you. It’s the only thing I’m sure of in life.”

“...Dean-”

“No, Cas. Just listen to me,” His tone is severe but there's a small empathetic smile hugging that sinful mouth,

“You’ve got your faith. In God, in people, in _me._ I don’t have faith in any of those things, especially not me! The only thing that I can count on in this life is the gut-wrenching, _unchangeable_ truth that I love you. _I love you_. More than a heart like mine deserves to, but it’s true and maybe I won’t say it enough and I may not be as good to you as I should be, but you need to understand that I’m here for you. Waiting for my day to begin, because nothing means anything without you. I’m blind- aimless- without you.”

Some of himself returns to Cas’ features, a look of remorse and relief taking over the panic and concern from before.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have suggested that you wanted to end us. I just connected the way you were acting with when you would get into fights when we were younger. They were often over you stupidly protecting me and the fact that this time it was...I didn’t know if it would make a difference since this time it was your father.”, Cas explains bashfully.

“What should that matter?”

“Dean...Family is the most important thing to you. I have always known that.”

“No, Cas. You don’t understand.”

“You can’t tell me that I don’t understand, Dean. I know you better than I even know myself and family has _always_ been the most important thing to you!”

“He kept me from you once, Cas.” Dean announces, ignoring Cas’ shocked expression. 

“He demanded I stop seeing you, and I listened. Like daddy’s good little soldier and because your right family _is_ everything to me and at 14 years old, the thought of him being anything but perfect had never crossed my mind. So, I listened. But then, “ Dean chuckles, grabbing one of Cas hands and caressing the flesh he found there. 

“You, with your choir robe, too large at the time, hanging past your fingertips, giving off mega dork vibes, you-well,” He pauses, a far away look glazing over emerald eyes, the memory washing over him all at once,

“You looked at me… _gently._ You didn’t ask where I had been for the entire week. Didn’t get angry for the fact I was so blatantly avoiding you. You just... _looked_ at me and you smiled and you told me you were glad to see me. 

No one except for you or Sammy were ever glad to see me back then, Cas. It was...comforting. You turned bright red but you didn't look away. And your face would contort in this odd way like you were beginning to understand something and I started fidgeting, worried you saw something I’ve never wanted you to know, but then you grabbed my wrist by the sleeve of my shirt and said with _too_ much fucking conviction, ‘I’ll see you soon!’ stealing me from any chance of _not_ loving you. From ever choosing him over you.”

Cas bites his lip, falling deeply into hypnotic green, lingering hesitation causing him to reply brokenly, “But he’s your father, Dean.”

“Do you love me, Cas?”

Breath hitching, Cas feels blue eyes finally let the water spill freely.

“It’s unfair of you to ask me that.”

“Do you love me?”, he repeats in the same tone. Eyes seeking out Cas, as if they hold the key to all of his happiness. And they just might.

“I can’t come between you and your family.”

“You’ve never come between me and someone that matters!” Dean argues. 

Cas is right in saying he knows Dean well, probably better than anyone else in the elder Winchesters life, but there has always been this block of understanding, or rather, a surge of underestimation when it came to how much Dean cared for him. 

It frustrated Dean to no end. He loved Cas beyond what words could ever say, and even after his greatest attempt, actually forming the words that make ‘I love you’, chanting it like the prayer it might as well be directly into his flesh, Cas still thought, for whatever reason, anyone could pull him from him.

Dean knew in that moment he couldn’t just breeze past this reveal. Couldn’t sidestep the issue as much as he wanted to or as much as Cas would let him, because his perfect angel had it in his head that John Winchester was held in a higher regard in Dean's mind. As if there was a single redeeming quality the gruff man possessed that could outshine the light Cas brings to Deans life. 

So, he’s gonna have to be brutally truthful. Let it all hang loose as to remove any iota of doubt. He tires to think of what to say, struggling to put words to what he knows his father is. 

“I will admit, this happened because he’s awful and was angry I was out with you. But he doesn’t _need_ a reason, Cas...”, he settles on saying.

There's a beat of silence before recognition quickly dawns upon the reverends youngest son; finally understanding.

Shaking, Cas finally dares to run cool slim fingers across heated, abused flesh. Flinching when he notes Dean’s skin twitching beneath the light pressure.

“I hate him for doing this,” He fumes miserably, stroking Dean's chin.

“And I hate that even for a few minutes you could doubt how much I fucking love you.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Do you love me, Cas?” 

“I love you. Dean, I love every piece of you. Intact or otherwise. I love you madly, tirelessly, deeply, with abandon and grace. I love you despite any scar. If I am never to doubt your love for me. You are never to doubt my love for you, Dean Winchester because loving you is all i’ve ever known.”

With a cheeky grin, Dean brushes away the hair from Cas’ eyes, feeling like he can finally breathe, “A simple yes would have worked too.”

“You’re a fucking ass!” Cas gapes around a defiant smile, pushing at his shoulder in mock aggravation.

“But apparently I’m _your_ ass. And I’m not going anywhere, Angel. No one has the power to change that.”

“I’ve never met anyone more brave than you, or kind or as precious as you are to me. You deserve better. Sam does too. You are far too important to be treated this way.”

Cas is doing his intense stare thing, causing Dean's skin to tingle wherever his gaze lands, feeling whatever it is his soul is made of say hello to ocean blue like an old friend. 

Without his permission Dean is reaching out, placing a large hand on the back of Cas head and guiding him to a soft closed mouth kiss. 

Eyes still shut, forehead resting on the other mans, Dean feels his heart sigh in relief

“How can a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?”

“Easily,” The brunette urges, shifting back just enough to take Dean's face between his hands, 

“I fell for you when we were children and I have never stopped falling.”

**Author's Note:**

> Eeee Yikes, that was waayy Angst-ier than I was going for... my bad? Lol I still liked it though, I hope the rest of you do as well. I'm actually thinking of doing another one, much less angst and way more idiots moving in together. Please let me know in the comments if that's something you're interested in and what you'd maybe like to see.
> 
> Oh! And the song this fic is based off of is 'Heart Like Yours' , By; Williamette Stone


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